~ Over and done with. ~ Never to come back again. ~

I think the hardest part is to admit to myself that me and my ex are nothing what so ever, not enemies, not friends, just strangers, strangers with a past that we remember but wont do anything to stay. It feels like it was all just bliss, Ignorance was bliss, and when the first non blissful thing popped up he up and left, he didn’t disagree what was done or how he felt, I let him walk away. Truth is, this was a problem from the start, a problem i thought was nothing that i had to worry about so i lied to myself by telling myself everything was all good and peachy, So i ignored all the times i could have said something, the signs they loved each other were there, i just didn’t know how, I guess distance only brings you closer..
It’s just all so difference, a sudden end, Though I’m glad through out the 1 year and 4month i didn’t become dependent what so ever, I love him like you would love anyone else with no drama, I just gave him my heart as it purely was. I will always love him because of the way i decided to love, I just want him happy, even if that means I’m not in his life. Hate will just make me grow cold and depressed, I don’t hate him for what he did, what he did was completely up to him, It’s his life, he gets to pick his own path.
But everything that was said and done is burnt into my memories, as great as it was, we had nothing to fix, we had nothing to fight for. Though it’s disappointing that i gave my all and i was just left alone in the shadows like i was nothing. I considered him worth fighting for, but this isn’t my fight to start. He isn’t fighting for me because he knows i know how he feels about her now and he knows that he doesn’t deserve me for what he did, though even if those are the reasons, it still feels like it’s because he doesn’t care, lost all what ever love he had for me, I’m not worth it, she was always better. When ever he said sorry it went right past me, what is he sorry about, sorry about leaving me behind letting me be in the shadows without him being able to say a word because he doesn’t know what to say so he rather say nothing at all while i grieve over the dead silence? Is he sorry for that or is he just sorry for pulling a jerk move, big whoop he pulled a huge dick move, why be sorry over being a jerk face. 
It seems like the longer it is not acknowledging his existence the more the pain consumes my heart, the only thing we are doing is playing draw something, not talking what so ever, just taking turns in a drawing game… Lame it really is, but that’s all we are left at to hold on to what little there is. I don’t have the balls to say anything and clearly he doesn’t either.  I know what once is never will be again, but why take someone that you cared so much about out of your life, unless he rather have me not care, but how is that even possible, that’s like asking cheese to stop being so cheesy O-O how da fawk… Any how it’s all still so fresh, if we were talking it would make things complicated to get over and to accept what is done and how it is.   
Sometimes I don’t even know what to think, I’d be in my bed crying, not even knowing why I’m crying, just the thought of him? Why start crying about not having him, I have myself, i have my friends :) a lot of people care and show it, I’m even more close to my closest friend that i ever was with him. I felt close to him because of the amount i cared, but we weren't open enough at all, maybe if so we would have argued and got things fixed before they just came to a dead end with nothing being able to fix it. Even after writing this I’m still probably going to have those moments where i feel as nothing and worthless because of that one person. I’m still unsure how to get over something like this, I accepted the truth… I guess it’s just knowing i won’t be in his arms ever again :\ and wishing maybe that part wasn’t true because of how familiar it is, but there is nothing that could be done about it, we can’t pretend this didn’t happen, I can’t pretend he doesn’t love her more than he ever will love me. damn heart wanting to be selfish, no bad heart, you can’t get what you want, just like everything else. It’s heartbreaking, but I don’t want my heart to break, why shatter in a million of pieces because you miss something that was so dear, It’s just suffering over the past, something that once was, it’s not like I’m not going to move on with life, I know there will be better things to look forward to, my friends are right beside me as well.
So I’ll do my best to keep my head up high with a smile on my face. ♥

Hello again.

So Lori got me a job a Pizza Hut :) finally my first job. Started on September 27th , I really love it, it’s straight forward and pretty simple that keeps me busy, if it’s not a dead day ^_^ The people that work there are great as well, a few of them i already know from the maples. I would take a picture of me in uniform, but it’s dirty right now, so i rather not :O
I work like over 30 hours every week, two days off in the week. I only got a 10 day pay check for my first pay because of it being my first pay check and how every pay day they hold back a week because that’s what all places do that pays you for work.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Airon told me about Virgin Mobile super tab so i looked into it, I seen this nice sexy phone they had for the cheapest, looked into it some more and decided it was what i wanted & that it would be a good phone to start with. So now I’m on a $35 plan with a pay as you go data(If u use it, I turn it on rarely for a short time if i want to check something out and there is no wi-fi)
►My first Cell Phone~ HTC desire C.◄ Oct 9th

I Really love this android, it’s so cute and affordable.  :3 No complaints so far. I found out i can use my computer to connect to my phone with just a network :O it’s called Airdroid, it’s magic. Also I found a app yesterday thanks to Cheys boyfriend, it’s like a little pet you take care of and play games with and watch it grow up <3 the app is called Pou. It’s like one of those tamagotchis i use to have as a kid x3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
GST check Oct 9th, I got acrylic paints at Dollarama…i had to buy a few more colours that where not here :D This was my most want.
 ◄◄◄<<┐
Of course i had to do something with them x3 this was my first idea of what to do with them—>^

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
on the 10th I Played Dungeons and dragons for the first time with Airon, Adam, Albert, two other guys and one other girl that i can’t remember their names, though i know one of the guys is a goblin named scabs x3 . My character is a Human Fighter named Alora Aspen with lilac hair and green eyes. She has a flying carpet :D . We were in a desert for the longest time but at the end finally found a river and ocean, killed a crocodile, & sadly had nothing to make crocodile soup with so i had to take more food from someone because i didn’t buy portions when i should have x3 . Scabs(w/e his name is) made a head shape out of a pliable eraser and I just made it look 10x weirder by making it into a monster thing. I doodled while the guys where having their turn fighting the monsters. The last picture is what we were using to show where our characters were on the map, I was the bunny one. D&D is fun, definitely would play it again :)


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So for My first pay check Oct 17th I told Lori she had to help me with clothe shopping, or else i would buy more cute little monster weird childish shirts and sweaters that i didn’t need. Spent 80% of my pay check on clothe and this is the out come. One shirt is in the wash, looks like the third t-shirt but it’s red and black and the stripes have a little chisel to them.
3 jeans, 4tops, 3 cardigans & a fall jacket > not quite warm enough for winter, but it’s a nice brand name and looks really nice
 

I spent 15% of my pay check on food… lmfao the pizza and boneless wings could have been avoided but i wanted to catch up a little with Ricky when i was in the area for some video meeting thing work had me go to the Henderson pizza hut for.

THIS IS THE BEST FOOD I EVER BOUGHT RIGHT HERE, this place is called Gami Sushi.
Cindy & I were supposed to go to another sushi place called sushi gen because of how cheap it sounded and the amount you get for such a cheap price, but it was closed for a clean up or something when we got there… i wonder why.. So we kept walking down portage since of course there will be another sushi place down there. We came across a place called Gami sushi, we were like YES FINNALY A SHUSHI PLACE THAT ISN’T CLOSED. We walked in and it was a bit small, but nice and looked really cosy and welcoming. I Ordered Gyoza & 2 orders of Salmon Skin rolls. You get Miso soup as a free starter :) I always wanted to try miso soup, It’s really yummy, it had some small tofu parts in it and green onions, I related the taste of it to chicken soup with saltine crackers. Gyozo are those dumpling things, I forgot if they had pork or chicken in them but they were sooooo fucking good, first time having dumplings like this. The Salmon Skin Rolls, Best Sushi i ever put in my mouth so far, one of the cheapest rolls to order here and it’s soo yummy , you could taste the Salmon skin was fried until crispy because it had a bit of chard taste, it wasn’t burnt though, it gave it a really nice flavour, and their house sauce is drizzled over it, gave it a really nice touch, just thinking about it makes my mouth water. Since i never had much money before I always bought that cheap sushi in a box that don’t have much flavour but it was what got me started loving sushi. Any way after the delicious Rolls I didn’t feel like our meal was complete just yet, it was like a cliff hanger so we finished it off with yummy Mango Ice cream.

And this is where I’m going to end this blog post :) I found a recipe for Gyozo wrappers so i may just need to make that tomorrow ^_^

don't controll someone you love.

I think one of the reasons most relationships fail is because of this so called power people have, well think they have. Control over people, no matter how little it is, it becomes a habit to where people don't realize they are doing it. everyone is in control of their own life, their own sadness and happiness. It usually always starts when there is a problem that isn't being analyzed properly, one assumes the problem is for the worse and think its because of how they are, not good enough, not pretty enough, not worth it. One gets scared of thinking they are maybe soon to be left alone to face the world only by them self, so for the hope of not being left alone they put a chain around their loved one, forgetting or ignoring that one is in control of their own choices and emotions. One will try to use this control in hope of regaining the happiness the person brought them, and, or, regaining trust the person lost. If what they choose to do doesn't make you happy why stay in the first place. their choices could do nothing with you. it could be completely all them. one should know just because of what someone chooses to do, and if one doesn't like it just remember it's not because they aren't worth it, or not good enough. realize they are their own person and they have the right to be in control of them self and to not be controlled.

Food ~ 3 course meal

So My brother loved it when i made Samosas so he let me spend some of his money to make us yummy food today since i didn’t work (Got a job at Pizza Hut like 4days ago)
I quickly decided what would be a yummy simple 3 course meal and we took a trip to dollarrama for things that we didn’t have witch came up to $8

2 Light flake Tuna cans, Peach cocktail drink, Canned mushrooms, Stir-fry sauce mix, baby corn, instant vanilla pudding and Fruit cocktail.

~Tuna toast spread.~
First I took the Tuna and made a Tuna salad/spread with Mayo, Lettuce, onion, & celery.  Toasted some buns and put it on top & Enjoyed with some peach cocktail drink :3

~Stir-fry~
Ground beef, Onion's, Baby corn, canned mushrooms, stir-fry mix, add to Rice x3
Okay to be honest i just made this x3 and didn’t eat it yet, I’m not hungry,  I had a bite and it was delish though Reason it was made last and why i didn’t nom it down was because my Mom made a potato and cauliflower Dinner today :3 So this is going to be breakfast or lunch for when i wake up ^_^ hehe yayz.


~Crepes with fruit cocktail and vanilla pudding~
Omg you don’t know how long I’ve been waiting to have Crepes with some sort of fruit filling x3 all the other times i made them was with no fruit, just butter, syrup, icing sugar….  I was hoping to find Fruit pie filling at Dollarrama and some whip cream powder mix, But Dollarrama Didn’t have those things, So this was what we did instead :3
It had such a calm taste


All I had today was 3 good sized portion meals (not including the stir fry) And I bloated up like 5pounds because of how little I ate yesterday and the day before and the day before due to me not having a appetite from working, Who loses their appetite from working? D:  … Then again I did have a Salad last night with like 2 teaspoons of bacon bits and grated permission Best salad ever.… Haha that has nothing to do with it but oww my tummy hurts from Eating this much after eating so little for the past few days Oh wells Bed time then I gets to hang with my boyfriend tomorrow And we are going to go see The movie hotel Transylvania!!
Edit~ D: never mind, Work called in saying i work at 5 today, so no hanging with Airon… Poopy.. I haven't seen him since the 23rd Agg Well hopefully we work something out <3
Second Edit~ But i did see him on Wednesday :) and we went to go see the movie at silver city and we got popcorn :3 And he bought me a soft pretzel at polo because i never had a soft pretzel before :D It was amazing! then i got to chill with him at his place and i got to sleep over :)

Say Hello!!! Don’t Hide :3

 

So i Made this Doll sock base a few month back, I still had to glue it together though and decide what to do with it. 

I wanted a Girl One this time so I went exploring in the Craft Dresser ^_^ found some wonderful stuff to dress her up in! I made a skull dress from old sweater material. I snipped the sides & glued on black material so The dress would have flare :3 . Found a purple ribbon and glued on a purple toy bow. Used a red ribbon thing for the neck of her dress so it would have more of a completed look. And Lastly i found part of emerald necklace thing and attached that ^_^
~I Added some Brown Fun Fur for the Hair (think that’s what my teacher called it before x3 ) AND BIG BUTTON EYES!!

  

WELCOME TO THE GROUP!! ^_^ MWHAHAHAHA!!!! Creepy?? what?? I Don’t see anything creepy here They are just soo darn adorable!! 

Now what to name her x3

Craft ~ Two Sided Heart Speech Bubble.

Thought of this last night! :) I just had to do it.
So starting off, I got some cardboard, out lined with pencil, took a blade and made it into a speech bubble.
I wanted to do both sides, so I Coloured one side Black
 

Bad side, Good side. x3
Lots of glitter on the good side x3 White glitter and Red glitter (The glue isn’t 100% dry that’s why it looks like that)


Attached a string in the middle and waited for the glue to dry enough to hold (I used Floss, Lmfao)


So Of course I’m not going to keep it dangling above my head so it can get in the way x3 So i added it to the corner of my room.

It took like all day to make because of the glue part lmfao x3 But it was worth it!!!

Time to make Samosas!!! (Taco wanna-be Samosas)

So i like making yummy food and this is what i decided to make today, Samosas.

I Made the dough (double batched this)
|| 1/2 cup Flour || 1tsp of Salt || 1tbs+1/2 tbs Oil || 1/4 cup–2 tbs Warm water. || (My sister wrote this down along time ago when she found the recipe, at least it works x3 (Might have to add a little bit more water and or oil though)) 
 
I let the dough sit aside for 15mins. In this time I made the filling. You can add what ever you feel like i guess, but a real samosa probably wouldn’t have the filling i decided to use x3 Samosas would have like potato's, corn, onions & beef. ect.

I Mixed up Head/Roman Lettuce, Ham, Ground Beef & Onions for the filling :3  

So then After you got every thing done, You Roll out the dough and make little rectangle shapes And you close it up like a pyramid, Pinching it to make sure it’s closed good and wont re-open.

Wait until the Oil gets hot! Pop in as much as can fit beside each other in the deep fryer. Wait until golden brown and TADA! You have yummy ass Samosas :) double batch made like 20, depends on what size you make them though :p

Shh I know this one doesn’t look like a pointy pyramid ^_^ but the rest kinda did.
I had some zesty burgerking sauce with it x3 Cindy likes it with Soy Sauce.
It was yummy Cindy said because the filling wasn’t really what would be in samosas that it tasted like some sort of Taco wanna-be samosa x3
~~~~~~~~~
Cindy brought some cheese cake home so i might get some of that latter :D Hehehe.

Ahaha I’ve been trying to workout a little and pick up my metabolism x3 This might slow things down a little x3

But another reason for me trying to workout is so i can make more yummy food like this and not worry to much x3 ~ Now to go drink some Iced water, I’m thirsty.
(WOAHH I”M DRINKING ICED WATER, I’M SO HEALTY! LOL JK)
I don’t even know what Healthy means anymore x3 healthy this healthy that :I
If i had money i would rather eat yummy fruits x3 I love Fruits!!.

Game(MMORPG) review soon!!

 

~~~~Finally, after so long I have a computer that can run games!! :D and a computer that has room In the system drive for stuff that automatically goes there so the game can run proper and what not x3 ~~~~
Right now League of Legends is installing as i type, Let’s hope that one runs nicely as well!! My Friend Robert from Roliana Plays that all the time, well, use to, he doesn’t have a computer atm so i can’t make him help me out D: , His mom broke it or something x3 ~

I'm going to make a forum in Roliana asking what mmorpgs i should try out :) That’s not to intense with the graphics, seeing as i don’t have a AWESOME graphics card, But i have one none the less x3  

Drawings I Drew Of people I Know :O

So this Blog entry will be of everyone I drew ^_^ that i know… Including me x3 Lets put the ones of me last :P ♥
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
These are people very dear to my heart, My close friends and of course my boyfriend. ^_^ ♥ (BESIDES RICKY, SUCHA JERK MAKING ME FEEL LIKE I’M NOBODY IN HIS LIFE ANYMORE, AND IGNORING ME ALMOST ALL THE TIME  :@ Kinda Told him off too x3 but he still doesn’t care so i shall not care about him :3 Fuck people like that, I Said what i had to say and now it’s done, i guess. :3 People like that aren’t worth my time. I thought maybe he was just really busy in life  -.- but that doesn’t seem like the case. ) 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The First drawing down below was from 2011 before June, The hearts are no more of course. F'lar, Me, Evan&Kirsten.||| Second one was from 2011 June Me,Airon. Chey and Evan. we were in a relationship at the same time. Chey and Evan decided to stop seeing each other like 2 month after. Pretty Epic Times i Must say though. Evan and Airon are best friends and Me and Chey are best friends so of course it was a great time :3  Hehe ^_^ 
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This One done below is going to be a little bit big! A Comic strip thing, I Made this for Airon <3 hehehe

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SAMMEH, I made this one for her Birthday at the beginning of this month :3


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Charen – My Cousin (made her like a anime character) |||  Allex – (second?) Cousin. 
           
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cindy-Sister                                                                          Chey Rose- Best friend.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
GIFS.
____
Me Jumping x3   ~ ~~  friends gif~~~ Me blinking   ~  Sammeh being Awesome!! ~~~ More blinking me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
OKAY now the ones Of me me me me x3
The First one is of me and Chey 2008 or maybe it was 2009 x3 . Second one was made in 2009 .
Third one 2010, i miss these knock off Convers. forth one dec/2011 (my boobs aren’t plump like that, lmfao. x3 )

The last one I did in 2012 A few month ago ^_^   vvvvvvvv

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SO WE ARE DONE HERE!! ^_^ I’m pretty sure that’s every drawing i can get to.
Bye, for now.