half a year gone by so fast <3 so much awesome.

 

                                                                                          (Smile)

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   These days have been wonderful :) Out and about, roaming with a great
friend that always seems to listen and understand me the most.
The guy that made me want to try new things and take risk.
A jerk that i get to see the sweet side of <3

He is always there when i need someone the most,
He listens to my rambles that make no sense what so ever,
He wipes off my tears and comforts me even if so for silly reasons,
He seems to be able to read my mind, a little to well maybe <3

                             

We may have Lost a special friend by letting us have what we wanted,
I just did what came to heart… i was at a weak point, and I’m sorry, we’re sorry.
she did not deserve this, but what makes me not deserve this happiness.
It may seem selfish, it was selfish, but things just happened so quickly.
I knew i was going to lose one of them with being in the god damn middle of it.
What is done is done, i can’t regret what i did but i can wish the best for her.

 

 

I know he liked me for a long time, we even put ourselves in the friend/sibling zone
we know almost everything about each other & we r still not repulsed enough to stay away
Everyone has baggage, he may have more, but hey that’s the past :)
He was always so depressed over a lot of nothing :p
Who knew me dating him could make him shut up and be more happy about things <3



These past 6 month have been great, they had their up and downs, but we quickly worked things out for the best :) & we aren’t giving up on working for each other even though we already have each other <3

                  

    I Love you Dray. <3

Zomg that was uh.. Didn’t expect to see him ever again.

A day of amazing, started off with amazing George's burgers and subs, I just inhale that shit down with Dray x3 fuck pictures of the yummiest chili cheese fries & fat boys.
We went shopping because he had money & so Dray got a top and sweater at portage, and well i don’t know how it went to us going to polo, but there was a 11 right in front of portage going to polo, so why not right? don’t have to worry about running into my ex at his main hangout/work spot since he moved to his home town, right?.. well look who’s back for a visit.

I wanted my coffee fix x3 and there is a Starbucks in Polo, it was Drays money since I didn't get paid till midnight & i was like “no fine i wont get Starbucks, it’s your money not mine, but wait no, i want it, i always buy you Pepsi & everything anyways” then he was just like DO ET FOR FUCK SAKES x3 ,  So i got a Caramel frap & i wanted to try the lemon cranberry, & blue berry scones, we shared. Took this pretty picture lol. Was sitting there just enjoying ourselves, almost the best part of the day until.. I saw one of my ex’s friend, didn't think much of it, who doesn't like getting some Starbucks? I told Dray he is gay, & i seen him once before, he is Airons friend. He went in star bucks then kind of went back out waving to people far back… “I wonder who he is waving for” *thinking it was his other friends he hangs with*, Dray said what if Airon is back in the city.. *he looks first* Ohh look who is back. *Looks* Oh shit *Covers face* “Kill me now” I didn't see him look, he was just walking in Starbucks with a blank expression, but Dray seen him look when he noticed him. Good thing we were on the table outside, not too awkward when we left right after.. 
Seriously, it made me surprised & shocked, I thought i would never see him again, it’s the first time seeing him at all since i broke up with him like 4month ago, he moved back to his hometown for the girl he cheated on me with when he was on his trip. But honestly as startled as i was for a few moments, I still had Dray with me :) witch made it 1000x easier to shake it off :3 <3 .
I let life play it’s course & do as i feel is right & this is where i am and i wouldn't change anything if i could <3 :) I’m happy where things took me.
Seeing my ex may have been surprising, but who gives a fuck, I’m with someone i love, someone i already knew the bad side of & the good, i know this guy can be a jerk ;3 but at least he isn't secretly in love with another chick, & he can take my bitchy side ;p he is my best friend, someone that knows a lot more than anyone else would, something i would usually run from, but I’m not scared. Fuck ignorance ;)

 .He is such a cutie when he is sleeping :) <3

Ima fat ass

So here are some pictures of food I bought, I think I should start working out if I keep this up >.> . I need to uhh not spend so much on yummy ass food.

~ Over and done with. ~ Never to come back again. ~

I think the hardest part is to admit to myself that me and my ex are nothing what so ever, not enemies, not friends, just strangers, strangers with a past that we remember but wont do anything to stay. It feels like it was all just bliss, Ignorance was bliss, and when the first non blissful thing popped up he up and left, he didn’t disagree what was done or how he felt, I let him walk away. Truth is, this was a problem from the start, a problem i thought was nothing that i had to worry about so i lied to myself by telling myself everything was all good and peachy, So i ignored all the times i could have said something, the signs they loved each other were there, i just didn’t know how, I guess distance only brings you closer..
It’s just all so difference, a sudden end, Though I’m glad through out the 1 year and 4month i didn’t become dependent what so ever, I love him like you would love anyone else with no drama, I just gave him my heart as it purely was. I will always love him because of the way i decided to love, I just want him happy, even if that means I’m not in his life. Hate will just make me grow cold and depressed, I don’t hate him for what he did, what he did was completely up to him, It’s his life, he gets to pick his own path.
But everything that was said and done is burnt into my memories, as great as it was, we had nothing to fix, we had nothing to fight for. Though it’s disappointing that i gave my all and i was just left alone in the shadows like i was nothing. I considered him worth fighting for, but this isn’t my fight to start. He isn’t fighting for me because he knows i know how he feels about her now and he knows that he doesn’t deserve me for what he did, though even if those are the reasons, it still feels like it’s because he doesn’t care, lost all what ever love he had for me, I’m not worth it, she was always better. When ever he said sorry it went right past me, what is he sorry about, sorry about leaving me behind letting me be in the shadows without him being able to say a word because he doesn’t know what to say so he rather say nothing at all while i grieve over the dead silence? Is he sorry for that or is he just sorry for pulling a jerk move, big whoop he pulled a huge dick move, why be sorry over being a jerk face. 
It seems like the longer it is not acknowledging his existence the more the pain consumes my heart, the only thing we are doing is playing draw something, not talking what so ever, just taking turns in a drawing game… Lame it really is, but that’s all we are left at to hold on to what little there is. I don’t have the balls to say anything and clearly he doesn’t either.  I know what once is never will be again, but why take someone that you cared so much about out of your life, unless he rather have me not care, but how is that even possible, that’s like asking cheese to stop being so cheesy O-O how da fawk… Any how it’s all still so fresh, if we were talking it would make things complicated to get over and to accept what is done and how it is.   
Sometimes I don’t even know what to think, I’d be in my bed crying, not even knowing why I’m crying, just the thought of him? Why start crying about not having him, I have myself, i have my friends :) a lot of people care and show it, I’m even more close to my closest friend that i ever was with him. I felt close to him because of the amount i cared, but we weren't open enough at all, maybe if so we would have argued and got things fixed before they just came to a dead end with nothing being able to fix it. Even after writing this I’m still probably going to have those moments where i feel as nothing and worthless because of that one person. I’m still unsure how to get over something like this, I accepted the truth… I guess it’s just knowing i won’t be in his arms ever again :\ and wishing maybe that part wasn’t true because of how familiar it is, but there is nothing that could be done about it, we can’t pretend this didn’t happen, I can’t pretend he doesn’t love her more than he ever will love me. damn heart wanting to be selfish, no bad heart, you can’t get what you want, just like everything else. It’s heartbreaking, but I don’t want my heart to break, why shatter in a million of pieces because you miss something that was so dear, It’s just suffering over the past, something that once was, it’s not like I’m not going to move on with life, I know there will be better things to look forward to, my friends are right beside me as well.
So I’ll do my best to keep my head up high with a smile on my face. ♥

Hello again.

So Lori got me a job a Pizza Hut :) finally my first job. Started on September 27th , I really love it, it’s straight forward and pretty simple that keeps me busy, if it’s not a dead day ^_^ The people that work there are great as well, a few of them i already know from the maples. I would take a picture of me in uniform, but it’s dirty right now, so i rather not :O
I work like over 30 hours every week, two days off in the week. I only got a 10 day pay check for my first pay because of it being my first pay check and how every pay day they hold back a week because that’s what all places do that pays you for work.

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Airon told me about Virgin Mobile super tab so i looked into it, I seen this nice sexy phone they had for the cheapest, looked into it some more and decided it was what i wanted & that it would be a good phone to start with. So now I’m on a $35 plan with a pay as you go data(If u use it, I turn it on rarely for a short time if i want to check something out and there is no wi-fi)
►My first Cell Phone~ HTC desire C.◄ Oct 9th

I Really love this android, it’s so cute and affordable.  :3 No complaints so far. I found out i can use my computer to connect to my phone with just a network :O it’s called Airdroid, it’s magic. Also I found a app yesterday thanks to Cheys boyfriend, it’s like a little pet you take care of and play games with and watch it grow up <3 the app is called Pou. It’s like one of those tamagotchis i use to have as a kid x3

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GST check Oct 9th, I got acrylic paints at Dollarama…i had to buy a few more colours that where not here :D This was my most want.
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Of course i had to do something with them x3 this was my first idea of what to do with them—>^

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on the 10th I Played Dungeons and dragons for the first time with Airon, Adam, Albert, two other guys and one other girl that i can’t remember their names, though i know one of the guys is a goblin named scabs x3 . My character is a Human Fighter named Alora Aspen with lilac hair and green eyes. She has a flying carpet :D . We were in a desert for the longest time but at the end finally found a river and ocean, killed a crocodile, & sadly had nothing to make crocodile soup with so i had to take more food from someone because i didn’t buy portions when i should have x3 . Scabs(w/e his name is) made a head shape out of a pliable eraser and I just made it look 10x weirder by making it into a monster thing. I doodled while the guys where having their turn fighting the monsters. The last picture is what we were using to show where our characters were on the map, I was the bunny one. D&D is fun, definitely would play it again :)


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So for My first pay check Oct 17th I told Lori she had to help me with clothe shopping, or else i would buy more cute little monster weird childish shirts and sweaters that i didn’t need. Spent 80% of my pay check on clothe and this is the out come. One shirt is in the wash, looks like the third t-shirt but it’s red and black and the stripes have a little chisel to them.
3 jeans, 4tops, 3 cardigans & a fall jacket > not quite warm enough for winter, but it’s a nice brand name and looks really nice
 

I spent 15% of my pay check on food… lmfao the pizza and boneless wings could have been avoided but i wanted to catch up a little with Ricky when i was in the area for some video meeting thing work had me go to the Henderson pizza hut for.

THIS IS THE BEST FOOD I EVER BOUGHT RIGHT HERE, this place is called Gami Sushi.
Cindy & I were supposed to go to another sushi place called sushi gen because of how cheap it sounded and the amount you get for such a cheap price, but it was closed for a clean up or something when we got there… i wonder why.. So we kept walking down portage since of course there will be another sushi place down there. We came across a place called Gami sushi, we were like YES FINNALY A SHUSHI PLACE THAT ISN’T CLOSED. We walked in and it was a bit small, but nice and looked really cosy and welcoming. I Ordered Gyoza & 2 orders of Salmon Skin rolls. You get Miso soup as a free starter :) I always wanted to try miso soup, It’s really yummy, it had some small tofu parts in it and green onions, I related the taste of it to chicken soup with saltine crackers. Gyozo are those dumpling things, I forgot if they had pork or chicken in them but they were sooooo fucking good, first time having dumplings like this. The Salmon Skin Rolls, Best Sushi i ever put in my mouth so far, one of the cheapest rolls to order here and it’s soo yummy , you could taste the Salmon skin was fried until crispy because it had a bit of chard taste, it wasn’t burnt though, it gave it a really nice flavour, and their house sauce is drizzled over it, gave it a really nice touch, just thinking about it makes my mouth water. Since i never had much money before I always bought that cheap sushi in a box that don’t have much flavour but it was what got me started loving sushi. Any way after the delicious Rolls I didn’t feel like our meal was complete just yet, it was like a cliff hanger so we finished it off with yummy Mango Ice cream.

And this is where I’m going to end this blog post :) I found a recipe for Gyozo wrappers so i may just need to make that tomorrow ^_^

don't controll someone you love.

I think one of the reasons most relationships fail is because of this so called power people have, well think they have. Control over people, no matter how little it is, it becomes a habit to where people don't realize they are doing it. everyone is in control of their own life, their own sadness and happiness. It usually always starts when there is a problem that isn't being analyzed properly, one assumes the problem is for the worse and think its because of how they are, not good enough, not pretty enough, not worth it. One gets scared of thinking they are maybe soon to be left alone to face the world only by them self, so for the hope of not being left alone they put a chain around their loved one, forgetting or ignoring that one is in control of their own choices and emotions. One will try to use this control in hope of regaining the happiness the person brought them, and, or, regaining trust the person lost. If what they choose to do doesn't make you happy why stay in the first place. their choices could do nothing with you. it could be completely all them. one should know just because of what someone chooses to do, and if one doesn't like it just remember it's not because they aren't worth it, or not good enough. realize they are their own person and they have the right to be in control of them self and to not be controlled.

Food ~ 3 course meal

So My brother loved it when i made Samosas so he let me spend some of his money to make us yummy food today since i didn’t work (Got a job at Pizza Hut like 4days ago)
I quickly decided what would be a yummy simple 3 course meal and we took a trip to dollarrama for things that we didn’t have witch came up to $8

2 Light flake Tuna cans, Peach cocktail drink, Canned mushrooms, Stir-fry sauce mix, baby corn, instant vanilla pudding and Fruit cocktail.

~Tuna toast spread.~
First I took the Tuna and made a Tuna salad/spread with Mayo, Lettuce, onion, & celery.  Toasted some buns and put it on top & Enjoyed with some peach cocktail drink :3

~Stir-fry~
Ground beef, Onion's, Baby corn, canned mushrooms, stir-fry mix, add to Rice x3
Okay to be honest i just made this x3 and didn’t eat it yet, I’m not hungry,  I had a bite and it was delish though Reason it was made last and why i didn’t nom it down was because my Mom made a potato and cauliflower Dinner today :3 So this is going to be breakfast or lunch for when i wake up ^_^ hehe yayz.


~Crepes with fruit cocktail and vanilla pudding~
Omg you don’t know how long I’ve been waiting to have Crepes with some sort of fruit filling x3 all the other times i made them was with no fruit, just butter, syrup, icing sugar….  I was hoping to find Fruit pie filling at Dollarrama and some whip cream powder mix, But Dollarrama Didn’t have those things, So this was what we did instead :3
It had such a calm taste


All I had today was 3 good sized portion meals (not including the stir fry) And I bloated up like 5pounds because of how little I ate yesterday and the day before and the day before due to me not having a appetite from working, Who loses their appetite from working? D:  … Then again I did have a Salad last night with like 2 teaspoons of bacon bits and grated permission Best salad ever.… Haha that has nothing to do with it but oww my tummy hurts from Eating this much after eating so little for the past few days Oh wells Bed time then I gets to hang with my boyfriend tomorrow And we are going to go see The movie hotel Transylvania!!
Edit~ D: never mind, Work called in saying i work at 5 today, so no hanging with Airon… Poopy.. I haven't seen him since the 23rd Agg Well hopefully we work something out <3
Second Edit~ But i did see him on Wednesday :) and we went to go see the movie at silver city and we got popcorn :3 And he bought me a soft pretzel at polo because i never had a soft pretzel before :D It was amazing! then i got to chill with him at his place and i got to sleep over :)